CHANGE Magazine, a Creflo Dollar Publication

October 2009
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Choosing a Mate

by Creflo Dollar

Television is where people tell-a–vision. There is always someone’s vision being told on the big tube, so my question is: whose vision is it? Also, what are the messages being sent to single people about being single? A myriad of TV shows and advertisement target singles with the subliminal message that it is ok to do whatever you want to do and with whomever you want to do it with. Just have fun! Don’t take life too seriously. Jump on the bandwagon and do what everyone else is doing. I call this the world’s way of doing things. Sure, Christians should and do have fun, but we do not compromise our Christian morals and beliefs to do so. I want to encourage single people to change their thinking and believe God has a better plan for you, which is much better than the plan the world has (Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 3:20).

Marriage was created by God and is part of His plan for those who desire to enter this covenant relationship. Unfortunately, many people remain single because they make unwise choices when it comes to choosing a mate. According to a Bama Group report, one out of five adults has never been married. Of those who have married, one out of three has been divorced at least once. Additionally, the report revealed that the divorce numbers for born-again Christians are identical to that of non Christians!

These statistics makes you wonder what is going on among singles—in and out of the Church. Choosing a mate is one of the most important decisions an individual will ever make and should not be made without first seeking wisdom from God. The Bible is our source of wisdom concerning every area of life. Proverbs 4:11 in the Amplified Bible says, I have taught you in the way of skillful and godly Wisdom [which is comprehensive insight into the ways and purposes of God]; I have led you in the paths of uprightness. It is important to seek godly wisdom when choosing a mate and not to depend solely on our emotions. Pray about it and ask God to reveal to you the person’s character. The wisdom you receive from God will either validate your choice or prevent you from becoming another failed-marriage statistic.

Not only is your happiness at stake, but your choice of a mate has a permanent impact on your children and their emotional and physical well-being. If things do not work out in a marriage, the children suffer the consequences of their parents’ decisions.

Due to today’s high divorce rate, many couples enter marriage thinking if it doesn’t work, we can always get a divorce. Unfortunately, divorce not only hurts the adults, but the children as well.

Here are two practical points to keep in mind when choosing a mate.

  1. Do not make seeking a mate your priority; seek God.
  2. Respect your parent’s judgment. Fight the temptation to be desperate and marry someone just to be married. In most cases, your parents know you better than anyone, and chances are, they can pick up on things you may have missed. More than likely, your parents will ask questions you may not have thought about.

Here are twenty questions to ask when considering a person as a marriage partner.

    1. Is this person a Christian? You do not want to marry someone who is in a religion or has a belief that goes against what you believe as a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14-16).
    2. What kind of Christian is this person? Is he/she a Christian who has made the Word of God the final authority in his/her life?
    3. Is this person truly committed to loving and obeying God?
    4. Are you spiritually compatible?
    5. Do you agree on the major doctrines of the Bible?
    6. Do you agree on the church you will attend?
    7. Do you agree on how you will spend your time and money?
    8. Can you trust this person?
    9. Have you ever been given a reason not to trust this person?
    10. How does he or she handle adversity?
    11. Does this person trust God or fall into unbelief regularly when challenges come?
    12. Have you ever seen him or her angry?
    13. Have you ever seen this person angry with you?
    14. Did you resolve the conflict in a biblical way?
    15. Was forgiveness asked for and granted or was the issue “swept under the rug”?
    16. Ladies, does he have a way to provide for you?
    17. Is he or she responsible with money?
    18. Is he or she a good example?
    19. On what issues do you agree or disagree?
    20. Does this person have control over his/her sex drive? If a person does not exhibit self-control while dating, it is likely he/she will not have self-control in the marriage.

Until your mate comes along, enjoy your singleness. Stay busy doing what God called you to do and enjoy life. This is your time to be single, whole, and complete in Him.

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Table of Contents:

  • Publisher's Statement
  • Making Wise Decisions
  • Choosing a Mate
  • To The Single Ladies
  • HEALTH: Reclaim Your Health, Part 1
  • MUSIC: Is Hip-Hop Here to Stay
  • FINANCES: The Laws that Govern Financial Prosperity
  • Credits
  • <- RETURN TO CURRENT ISSUE
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