While once preparing to teach on The Five Languages of Love, I began thinking about the rivaling siblings often seen on talk shows. The scenarios are always similar. Two people (perhaps sisters) raised in the same family, with the same parents, under the same roof, who shared the same bedroom talk about their childhood experiences as if they were total strangers. One sibling would feel he or she did not receive as much love as the other.
So how do we explain what happened here? It is not necessarily that the parents loved one of the children more than they did the other. More than likely, the parents simply did not communicate their love to that particular child in a way that particular child could understand. The way children feel and receive love is determined by their uniqueness and the love language of their parents. In other words, we receive love differently, based on who we are as individuals and how we receive the love that is given. Here is a list of five languages of love:
There are different ways we express love. Unfortunately, some parents did not know how to communicate their love effectively. As a result, their children grew up to become heart-broken individuals. As adults, if they do not receive healing from the Word of God, bitterness will grow in their hearts. As a result, they will not know how to love others properly.
We often wonder why many teenage girls become promiscuous and end up getting pregnant. The root cause, many times, can be found in the answers to these questions. Did she feel loved and accepted? Did her parents communicate their love for her effectively? Likewise, when boys are eager to go out and join gangs, there is an underlying issue. They probably do not feel loved, accepted, valued, or secure at home.
It is very important that we, as parents, communicate love to our children in a way they can understand. This is not only true for parent-child relationships but also in marriages. What type of things do you do to communicate your love to your spouse? These things need to be discussed at length. Also, determine what type of love language you received as a child and discover the missing pieces.
It will be difficult to improve upon your love language if you do not know what true love is. True, unconditional love is not a feeling but a decision. Here is the biblical description of love taken from 1 Corinthians 13.
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going into the end (The Message Translation).
Now that you know what true love is and what love languages are about, I urge you to find out the love language your loved ones receive best from you and begin to operate in love on a higher level!
2-message series
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